Books for Kids about Social Graces and Habits

These days, it would sometimes seem as though very few people care much about manners anymore, but when you really start looking that simply isn't true.  Manners are just a more formal way of thinking about consideration for those around you and most of us really do want to be considered in our daily interactions.  Here are a few books with the intention of introducing kids to the idea of "manners", you might like to check out.

Emily Post's The Guide to Good Manners for Kids:

Written by Peggy Post and Cindy Post Senning, Ed.D. this is a modern update guide to exactly what you would expect from anything with the name Post on it (well except post-it note pads and the United States Postal Service).  Great ideas for manners in even the most unique of circumstances.  Each chapter begins with a little introduction - something to consider or an imaginary situation.

What I Like About this Book:  The language in this book is very positive - (even the lists of rules are written as "do" lists rather than "don't" lists).  The book is thorough in presenting situations kids will encounter.  There are even suggestions about how to handle choosing bunks and other summer-camp related challenges kids might face.  The book also mentions safety considerations for kids - such as not saying your parents aren't home when taking a message on the phone.

What I don't Like About this Book:  It is a guide book and thorough, therefore it is long for the truly young and not quite "hip" enough for the age group for whom it might be regularly used.  A parent really will need to require going through this book with their kids for it to get used.

Time to Say "Please":

What can I say?  If I'm doing a list of books about a particular topic and Mo Willems has done a book that fits into the category.  It WILL be included.  This particular book has a bunch of mice reminding kids about a particular set of words that are likely to keep the people around you in a much better mood about helping you out.  It starts out with "Please", but moves on to "Excuse Me" and "Sorry" among others.

What I Like About this Book:

As always, Willems says most of what needs to be said through the seemingly simple illustrations he creates that say far more than any one would expect at first glance.  Of course the book is filled with visual humor as usual.  And the straight forward text is clear and positive without just seeming like a list of "to do's".

What I don't Like About this Book:

What's not to like?  Its Mo Willems!

Whoopi's Big Book of Manners:

Whoopi Goldberg's sense of humor is evident in this short book about manners as she takes you through everything that is "not as bad as" - well, I'll let her tell you.

What I Like About this Book: Really, it is funny - especially to a child's sense of humor and may be one of those picture books your preschooler or early elementary-aged child wants you to read again and again.  It covers the most basic things like "special words" (please, may I, thank you, excuse me), not interupting, and picking up after yourself.

What I don't Like About this Book: There is very little not to like about this one for the very young.  It's funny with engaging pictures and even has that repetitive and predictable thing that young children love so much going for it, but it does give a heirarchy to what is worse and some of the manners covered are just plain important all the time so as kids get to that age where they start figuring out how to "justify" things it stops being a useful book.  

Manners Mashup:

This book is a highly visual take on introducing some basic manners as it is mostly about the illustrations.  Each two page layout is a particular environment such as a bus, the cafeteria, classroom or a friend's birthday party.

What I Like About This Book:

I love the goofy illustrations and the sense of humor those illustrations offer. I also love that it is written and illustrated by a variety of people so each set of rules has a different voice and a different look to it. It really helps to keep learning about manners interesting.

What I Don't Like About This Book:

For the most part, the text is really just an elaborate list of do's and don'ts, but with some of the memorable illustrations, some kids might over look this fact and remember some of those dos and don'ts anyway.

Do Unto Otters:

This book by Laurie Keller isn't about manners! (wink wink).  This book is about a rabbit that has some otters move in and he is trying to figure out how to treat his otter neighbors by thinking through how he hopes they will treat him.

What I Like About This Book: This is such a clever take on the Golden Rule!  It is sweet and light hearted and doesn't feel preachy at all.  The illustrations are whimsically unique with a color palette that feels very similar to "Caps for Sale" but broader in spectrum.

What I Don't Like About This Book: The thing with the bee.  They don't just go around stinging for fun and some kids don't need more reminders to be afraid of bees.  I mean, buzz on! I know, I know, how nit picky can I be right?  Really though, there isn't much not to like about this one.  I'm really scraping bottom to find something here. 

What Learning Looks Like To Me

 

While on Pinterest the other day, I saw the picture below and found myself disgusted by it. What this poster says does not jive at all with the fact that the kids pictured in this blarticle are also "Ready to Learn". Perhaps it is because I spent three years in a classroom designed for "twice exceptionals" for whom "ready to learn" is the exact opposite of what this poster says, but it made me exceedingly sad to see this pin.

The trouble is, for many, this poster prescribes the antithesis of what learning looks like.  Even for so-called "normal" kids, doing what this poster says is actually likely to diminish the learning that takes place compared to what could take place with lessons that call for a more active learning style.  For many children with behavorial disorders, using a poster like this in the classroom and insisting that this kind of behavior is what will result in learning, results in teaching the kids that they are bad and incapable of learning.  Seriously, this attitude can be a serious blow to the self-esteem of these students and is counter to their learning and well-being.  For more information on how to incorporate movement into even lessons that really do need quiet, read "Teaching Wiggle Worms".

 

Kids do need to learn manners and find ways to learn without creating disruptions and distractions for others, but come on, what adult convention have you ever attended where everyone is sitting criss-cross with their hands in their laps and mouths completely closed the entire time? My first reaction was, "sitting straight and tall is good posture, but what does that have to do with actual learning?" then, to the yellow commandment, "I can't sit cross-legged for twenty minutes of story time either" Then I thought, rather sarcastically, because I now know this poster is full of antiquated edicts. "I bet the teacher is in a chair or standing", so then I thought.  Even with all the training and education out there, it leaves me disheartened about the state of on-going teacher training in this country to know this poster was getting very many likes or repins at all. This poster is not written about what "ready to learn looks like",  It is written about what the teacher considers is polite while someone is speaking.  

 

Kids need to learn manners.  They need to learn how to listen to a speaker without being rude or disruptive.  I do think there are ways to do this that are much more realistic while respecting the child and teaching the child to respect others.

Since the poster is really about social graces, perhaps the poster should say:

• Sitting straight and Tall is good for your back and your health.   
• Readjust your body positions slowly, when you need to, in a way that doesn't mean you bump into others and makes an attempt not to distract others.
• When you look at the speaker, you are giving him or her body language that says you are listening.  Glance back and forth between your doodles or fidget, the speaker, and whatever the speaker is pointing to frequently.  When people are really listening they use their Eyes, Ears, and Hearts (empathy) to really understand all of what is said.
• If you need to play with something in order to give your fingers and hands something to do while you listen - please feel free!  Just make sure you can do this in a way that doesn't make others not able to hear and pay attention too.
• I would love to see your hands in the air with questions or on your desk taking notes, but I do not want to see your hands in other's spaces.  I may ask you to write a question down in order to save it for later if I need to in order to keep myself on track, so be ready with paper and a pencil.  (or in a classroom for the very young, perhaps the teacher should write these kinds of questions on the board when they are asked)
• It is important that you make sure the others around you can hear - even if you can hear and understand the speaker while you are talking, others might not be able to, and it distracts the speaker.  If you must have a little noise, pat your thigh very quietly so you can hear it, but only you can hear it.

Yes, my version is much wordier, but it is also much more real in that it is honest about what the "rules" are really about (manners toward the speaker and other listeners) as well as expectation for some kids.  The kids in the picture at the top of the page are NOT looking like they are ready to learn according to what the poster says, but guess what, they are, in fact learning.  That can be said of the kids in any of the pictures included on this page.

If you found this article intriguing, thought-provoking, or helpful, you might also be interested in my blarticles Teaching Wiggle Worms, Assessing Wiggle Worms and How to Make Your Own Fidgets for more ideas on how to honor those kids in your life that actually need to move to learn.  You might also like this blog about motivating kids to learn and using discipline that makes sense.  If you think you might have a gifted kid in school that is being under served because of an additional label such as ADHD or Aspberger's Syndrome, you may be interested in taking a look at AEGUS, The Association for the Education of the Gifted and Under-served Student.