Toddlers and Cleaning Up

Many parents sincerely struggle with how to get their kids (specifically toddlers) to clean up after themselves at the end of a period of playing.  It is often a tough skill to teach and even those kids that at first think it is fun are likely to protest at some point in their lives.  I was a preschool teacher that dealt with the issue frequently with little ones.

Some Things for Parents and Guardians to Consider:

Your two or three year old is capable of A LOT more than you may realize, AND A LOT less capable than you might realize all at the same time.

A toddler is capable of picking up a toy and putting it in a bin, but may not be fully capable of sorting out one type of toy from another EVERY time.  Even if your child is good at sorting by colors and shapes, sorting by TYPE is actually somewhat different and also has to be practiced and learned.  Sorting skills can make cleaning up more challenging than you realize if different things go in different bins.  However your toddler CAN learn this and a two or three year old should be able to be expected to clean up after himself if he has first been taught how.

A toddler's attention span is small and they are easily overwhelmed.  Sometimes too many toys out can create a situation where a child can't understand where to begin. 

Transitions are often tough for this age-group.  Do you have trouble getting your child to switch from play time to bath time but then when it is time to get out of the path your child is again reluctant?  That is because your child has trouble with transitioning from one activity to the next (completely natural) not necessarily because he or she is fighting the bed-time routine.  The same is true for clean-up.  Going from play time to clean-up time poses a challenge simply in regard to the fact that it is a transition.

Some Techniques that are Likely to make A BIG DIFFERENCE:

Avoidance of Overwhelming Messes:

Own fewer toys.  Kids love real-world play so as much as you can allow them access to the real thing, do so.  Alice loved her kitchen toys and they have been useful in teaching her certain kitchen skills, but as she cooks and bakes more and more on her own, the toys simply become less and less relevant.  It won't be long before they are handed down to her cousin I'm sure.  You can also be choosy about the quality of the toy that comes in.  We DO NOT ALWAYS get the children's meal when we are out and instead frequently get two adult meals (for the three of us) and a side and share.  The children's meal becomes an occasional treat when the toy offered looks like it might actually be fun.  Instead of a toy drum set, use old pots and pans with wooden spoons.  Instead of a toy house or tent inside, occasionally get out all the blankets, rearrange your furniture and build one together for them to play in.  Fewer toys means less to store and less to make a mess with.  It also encourages other, more authentic activities anyway.

Clean up more frequently.  Instead of one big clean up right before you leave or at the end of the day before bed, have a clean-up session periodically throughout the day.  If you notice the play area starting to look like a mess, call for a clean up and then just let them start over again.

You might try a rule where he can only have one - maybe two kinds of toys out at a time.  If he is playing with his train and train set, those have to be put away before he can switch to blocks.  This way there is less to clean up and less sorting involved.  This rule helps in avoiding problems related to being overwhelmed by the mess that has been made.  If you adopt this rule, I suggest following the spirit of the rule, rather than the letter of the rule though.  Some toys combine quite nicely - especially as they move into more imaginary play.  For example, if a child has a train set out and wants to build a city around the tracks, blocks are a natural toy to use and mix with the tracks.  At two and the beginning of three, Alice was allowed one toy at a time.  As she moved through into the older half of three and into fours and fives, she was allowed two types of toys at a time, as long as both sets were being used.  If toys that were not being used were left laying out she was asked to stop her play to clean up the other toy.  Now that she is six, we are a lot more loose about the rule.  She can have ten types of toys out if they are all being used together (but she is also a lot more capable of cleaning up a lot more mess on her own too). 

Dealing with Transition Challenges:

Give a five and 3 minute warning before ending play time to help in transitioning.  "Okay you have five more minutes before it is time to clean up."  "Okay, now you have three more minutes."

Include it in a routine or two.  Have a pre-meal routine that includes tidying up the toys, washing hands and setting meal ware on the table.  Incorporate clean up into bed time and pre-leaving the house routines as well.  This way they learn to expect it every time.   

Teaching the Requisite Skills:

Make cleaning up something you do together.  This means you are modeling the proper behavior for your child.  At first, you might put away ten toys for your child's every one toy, but if he or she is picking up a few things, that is progress compared to not cleaning up at all.  Gradually, you can expect your child to pick up more and more of the toys.

If you have different bins for different toys, it saves hassles in many respects but creates a sorting problem for your child.  Realize that toddlers do not yet know how to read, so even if you have labeled everything you have not helped your child.  Use picture labels.  Take a photo of the dolls and doll stuff to put on the doll bin and a separate photo of a bunch of cars and piece of car track to put on the car bin.  Even still, be patient, because they are still having to use matching skills which are also new, but you are then giving your child a chance at getting it right.  If things don't exactly end up in the right bin every time, celebrate the effort your child made and move on.

It also Helps to Make a Game of It:

Kids learn from the games they play.  Learning should be fun and even chores can be rewarding with the right attitude.  Do you want to do drudgery?  I don't.

Sing a song, "Clean up Clean up everybody every where, Clean up clean up, everybody do your share". is a common one (just make up your own tune).  There is also, "Whistle While you Work" from Snow White and "Happy Working Song" from Enchanted.

See who can get the largest number of toys cleaned up in 60 seconds.

Can your child "beat the clock?" set a timer and celebrate together with cheers and dancing if it is done before the clock beeps.

Make it a learning practice game:  Okay, how long will it take to clean up all the red cars?  Can we do it in less time than the blue cars took?

If these methods don't work, THEN as a LAST RESORT

Generally, punitive styles do not really motivate kids with cleaning up.  Especially at the toddler stages - they simply do not have a good enough grasp of cause and effect yet.  For that reason, it is probably best to not push so hard you wind up in a fight about it.  At three, if the child stops cleaning up, you can probably also stop and say, "Oh, I can only clean up when you are cleaning too!  Bummer you won't be able to play unless this gets done, I guess we'll just sit here."

For older kids you can of course,  try the more punitive method of removing toys.  The best idea for doing this that I've seen is where a "Toy Void" is created.  You might have a big clear bin the child isn't allowed to get into (keep it out of reach but in sight).  Toys you have to clean up for your child that is a mature two, three, or four (or older) go into this bin.  In order to get the toys back, the child has to clean up his own toys, PLUS help with something extra.  For each time the child cleans up her own toys and does a little something extra he or she earns a toy back.  The idea that he can earn toys back from the toy void is far better than just giving the toys back after a set number of days, because it creates a situation where the child is learning that he or she has to rectify the problem that caused the toys to be lost in the first place.

With any of these methods consistency, patience, understanding and scaffolding skills are all key components.  Hopefully, your child will learn to clean up with you and clean up time can be its own form of fun too on most days.

Grattitude Box

Who's it for?

The whole family will be able to enjoy looking at the box, and a preschooler can certainly learn from using the box, but the craft itself is probably best reserved for slightly older kids (first grade or so).  

What's It For?
The idea is to start using it right on November first.  As the month progresses you clip things for which you are grateful to the box each day of the month leading up to thanksgiving.  It acts as a countdown to thanksgiving and then, when all the clips are full you have 25 items (or so, depending on the month) to be thankful for on thanksgiving day!  Since it is also a box, the clips can easily store away inside the box until next year when you can start all over again.

Things you need:  

- Craft sticks - large size (Popsicle sticks).

- an old cocoa box, coffee can, or other container with a snap, on lid that is large enough to hold     approximately 30 clothespins,  

- 30 clothespins.

- small decorative items to use on the pins of your choosing (we used silk leaves, stickers glued to a craft foam sheet, and buttons in fall colors.

-Rubber bands

- Glue (hot glue might be a little quicker and easier, but Elmer's all purpose or a generic brand is safer and more accessible to the younger kids. 

What to Do: 

1.  Clean the box.

2.  Glue the craft sticks around the box making sure to align them so they do not interfere with the lid.

3.  Place rubber bands over craft sticks at top and bottom (and middle if needed) to help hold them in place until the glue dries thoroughly.  While this is done a younger child can glue decorations onto the clothespins.  It is important the child be old enough not to eat the buttons and small decor items! It is also important that he or she understand to only put one bead of glue along one side of the clothespin.  Let dry.  

Note: if you are using stickers on foam sheets, they don't stick well
for long - I recommend glue for these too.

4.  Add a few more craft sticks, strategically to create spacers.  These will create space between a ribbon and the container leaving you room for a second place to clip your clothespins in a later step.  See photo to right.  Allow project to dry.

5. Place drops of glue on the "spacer" craft sticks in a horizontal line around the center of the box and then place a ribbon over these glue dots.  Tie tightly and allow for dry time.  Place box lid inside box, and position clothespins around box lip and ribbon (one for each day remaining until Thanksgiving).  Add a gratitude note daily to a clothespin until Thanksgiving day.  Enjoy your month of grateful thoughts.

Decorate the Clothespins if you Wish

Variations: 
This project can be adjusted to act as a countdown calendar to any holiday or an advent calendar (In the case of use as an advent calendar, place the notes on before hand with reminders about holy days and traditions, and things you need to do as a family to be ready for the holiday).

Obviously you will choose a different color and decor scheme depending on the holiday chosen, but the same basic idea and procedures are still in play in these circumstances.

It can also be adjusted to be a chore assigner.  Choose weekly chores and make sturdy cards with one chore on one side.  Clip the cards to the clothespins so your kids can't see the chores from which they are choosing.  Each child pulls a chore card and that is the chore that child is in charge of on that day.  The card then goes in the box until the following week.  Do this each day until all the weekly chores have been completed.  No more arguments with you about whether your choice was "fair" or not.  You can color - code the card for different age levels if your have multiple ability levels.  You would simply color the side of the cards that does not have the chore on it according to whatever age ranges you feel fit your kids and your family needs best.  For example, Kids 3-5 might have blue, while kids 5-9 would have green and kids 10 and older could have yellow. 

Have fun!  I'd love to hear your thoughts after you've given it a go and know what you used the project idea for  with your family.

Young Children and Deception

Discovering how to be deceptive is common in the preschool child but boy it sure is a tough one to deal with. It is really difficult for a preschooler to understand long - term consequences and benefits of anything let alone when it is something that seems beneficial in the short term.   

Preschoolers and other young children (Toddler - Early Elementary) don't typically have a lot of experience with the contrast between trust or lack-of-trust.  Hopefully, most of the people they encounter are pretty trustworthy most of the time.  The idea of trustworthiness as compared to a lack of trust is usually novel to them.  This was something we really struggled with Alice on for awhile between the ages of three and four - and although she is honest most of the time, there are still times she is certainly tempted. 

For a child that is an auditory learner and relates well to stories, two classics to take a look at are: "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" and "Pinnochio".  My own little one was still unable to explain why other characters in a variety of modern takes on a "Boy Who Cried Wolf" as well as the original did not go to the boy's aid at the end of the story right up until recently.  

In order to teach the concept of "trustworthiness" and how easy it is to lose the status of being trustworthy, I found a suggestion where family members take one another for "trust walks" online and laughed at myself for not having thought of it on my own because it was something I did almost every year with my middle-schoolers.  You know, you pair up and one member is blindfolded and then you trade. Go through the exercise and be trustworthy, but then ask of the child (children), "how would you have felt if I had . . . " and then fill in with an untrustworthy action.  When we finally did this activity a few years ago, the difference between before the trust walk and after was dramatic.  It really sent the message home in regard to what her daddy and I had tried to express to her so many times before.

Once the concepts of trustworthiness and honesty are understood, many families, including ours, use the "second consequence" tact.  The idea is that there is a second consequence added onto any original consequence that would have existed without the lie.  When children know this is coming it can be a good deterrent to lying.  We also continue to discuss how important trust is and remind about the natural consequence of "loss of trust" whenever this "second consequence" must be used.  As often as is possible, there is a third "consequence" that drives this point home soon after a situation where a lie has been used.  For example, "no, you can't go to your friend's house because I can't trust you to clean up your messes without me watching over you" (when a child has claimed to have cleaned something up that didn't really get cleaned)  "I guess you'll have to work on earning back more trust by being more honest".

I feel the more ways the discussion can be had and the topic can be addressed, the sooner and more fully the importance of trustworthiness and how to maintain it will be understood.  I do know this will be an "on going" discussion in any household as the temptations simply become greater as they continue to get older. I'd love to hear what did you do or what you plan to do with your own when the time comes.

Since we were having all the trouble with lying, we have also worked with a book titled, "E Is for Ethics" by Ian James Corlett. It is a wonderful book with many more subjects than honesty and trust (but these two subjects are addressed as individual subjects as well)  Each chapter begins with a story that is basically a kid- sized conundrum about what the right thing to do is.  The book sets up the story and then gives guides for how to go about discussing the best outcome with your kids.

Just remember,  lying is a natural thing for kids to try out a few times.  The fact that they've lied a few times, doesn't make them a bad kid - its just an opportunity to learn and practice better choices and habits.  What will help your kid most is if you stay calm, don't worry about it too much but apply appropriate consequences and apply them consistently.

What Learning Looks Like To Me

 

While on Pinterest the other day, I saw the picture below and found myself disgusted by it. What this poster says does not jive at all with the fact that the kids pictured in this blarticle are also "Ready to Learn". Perhaps it is because I spent three years in a classroom designed for "twice exceptionals" for whom "ready to learn" is the exact opposite of what this poster says, but it made me exceedingly sad to see this pin.

The trouble is, for many, this poster prescribes the antithesis of what learning looks like.  Even for so-called "normal" kids, doing what this poster says is actually likely to diminish the learning that takes place compared to what could take place with lessons that call for a more active learning style.  For many children with behavorial disorders, using a poster like this in the classroom and insisting that this kind of behavior is what will result in learning, results in teaching the kids that they are bad and incapable of learning.  Seriously, this attitude can be a serious blow to the self-esteem of these students and is counter to their learning and well-being.  For more information on how to incorporate movement into even lessons that really do need quiet, read "Teaching Wiggle Worms".

 

Kids do need to learn manners and find ways to learn without creating disruptions and distractions for others, but come on, what adult convention have you ever attended where everyone is sitting criss-cross with their hands in their laps and mouths completely closed the entire time? My first reaction was, "sitting straight and tall is good posture, but what does that have to do with actual learning?" then, to the yellow commandment, "I can't sit cross-legged for twenty minutes of story time either" Then I thought, rather sarcastically, because I now know this poster is full of antiquated edicts. "I bet the teacher is in a chair or standing", so then I thought.  Even with all the training and education out there, it leaves me disheartened about the state of on-going teacher training in this country to know this poster was getting very many likes or repins at all. This poster is not written about what "ready to learn looks like",  It is written about what the teacher considers is polite while someone is speaking.  

 

Kids need to learn manners.  They need to learn how to listen to a speaker without being rude or disruptive.  I do think there are ways to do this that are much more realistic while respecting the child and teaching the child to respect others.

Since the poster is really about social graces, perhaps the poster should say:

• Sitting straight and Tall is good for your back and your health.   
• Readjust your body positions slowly, when you need to, in a way that doesn't mean you bump into others and makes an attempt not to distract others.
• When you look at the speaker, you are giving him or her body language that says you are listening.  Glance back and forth between your doodles or fidget, the speaker, and whatever the speaker is pointing to frequently.  When people are really listening they use their Eyes, Ears, and Hearts (empathy) to really understand all of what is said.
• If you need to play with something in order to give your fingers and hands something to do while you listen - please feel free!  Just make sure you can do this in a way that doesn't make others not able to hear and pay attention too.
• I would love to see your hands in the air with questions or on your desk taking notes, but I do not want to see your hands in other's spaces.  I may ask you to write a question down in order to save it for later if I need to in order to keep myself on track, so be ready with paper and a pencil.  (or in a classroom for the very young, perhaps the teacher should write these kinds of questions on the board when they are asked)
• It is important that you make sure the others around you can hear - even if you can hear and understand the speaker while you are talking, others might not be able to, and it distracts the speaker.  If you must have a little noise, pat your thigh very quietly so you can hear it, but only you can hear it.

Yes, my version is much wordier, but it is also much more real in that it is honest about what the "rules" are really about (manners toward the speaker and other listeners) as well as expectation for some kids.  The kids in the picture at the top of the page are NOT looking like they are ready to learn according to what the poster says, but guess what, they are, in fact learning.  That can be said of the kids in any of the pictures included on this page.

If you found this article intriguing, thought-provoking, or helpful, you might also be interested in my blarticles Teaching Wiggle Worms, Assessing Wiggle Worms and How to Make Your Own Fidgets for more ideas on how to honor those kids in your life that actually need to move to learn.  You might also like this blog about motivating kids to learn and using discipline that makes sense.  If you think you might have a gifted kid in school that is being under served because of an additional label such as ADHD or Aspberger's Syndrome, you may be interested in taking a look at AEGUS, The Association for the Education of the Gifted and Under-served Student.